i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
