I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
