Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
