You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
