maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
