i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
