Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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