Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
