if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
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I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
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Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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