just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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