dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
