The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
