The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize