hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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