You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
