Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
How does one acquire holy water?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
