is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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