how can u be prego again
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
