When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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