Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
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We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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