she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
