i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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