Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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