that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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