Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Four minutes until I can fart!
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
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