just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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