I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
