I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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