Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
