At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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