So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
