I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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