you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
