Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Someone signed my nipple.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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