I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
do nipples grow back?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
