Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
