I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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