Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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