We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
