My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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