At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
