I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
