what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i would punch a child for taco bell
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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