There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
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