Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
