Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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