You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Dignity is for republicans.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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