Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
