The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
why do cheetos always look like penises
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
