i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
