so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
