I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
