i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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