return my video game
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
