how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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