4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
