Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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