6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
