Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
