he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
