Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
