Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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