"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
